im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
