Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
