He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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