I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
