i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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