The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
