after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
