so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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