remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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