ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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