She went from zero to smokin in five shots
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
