i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
