is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
