Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
