nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
