dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
