he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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