I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
