Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
