there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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