i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
