Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
