im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
