is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
