I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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