I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
