Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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