Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
