can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is Oprah even human
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
