i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
