After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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