woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
