She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
