Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
