cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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