Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
