Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wish there were birth control emojis
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
