would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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