Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
