How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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