I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
