And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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