i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
do herpes really smell.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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