I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
