One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
