My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
