Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
