i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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