This house was built for laser tag.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
