How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
